signs of an emotionally abusive relationship

  1. You’re googling Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship and all of it’s variations. Because you’re lost and confused and don’t really know where to turn next.
  2. You’re constantly hoping it’s the last time. It never is.
  3. Everything is your fault. You’ve caused this state of affairs.
  4. Unpredictable anger – unpredictable expressions of big emotions altogether.
  5. Name calling
  6. Intention to hurt, with little or no remorse
  7. “I hate you, don’t leave me” attitude that makes no sense
  8. A desire in yourself to moderate your own behavior in the hopes of moderating theirs
  9. Denial. Of your reality. Constant confusion.
  10. Still wanting to hold on to the good parts. Hoping it will change. Losing hope.

As I write this, I am approaching the two year mark since separating from an abusive ex. The road is complicated, but worth every second, every step, every battle, every breath. I have never felt more happy or more alive in my life.

An Extraordinary Human Being

In the past three months I have lost my marriage, two very close friends, 15 pounds, my house… and on Sunday, my grandfather.

I don’t want to add ‘my job’ to that list (which is why i haven’t posted in a while).

Through all of this, I have had this idea brewing in my head of an extraordinary human being. Being one, and understanding what it is to be one.

But what does it mean? For me, it means admitting flaws, being generous with your grace, honest with your intentions, invested deeply in your life, focused, and devoted to giving back to the world more than you take from it. Probably lots more. Integrity, rigor, forgiveness to name a few.

I have not always been the human I want to be. Every day I strive.

I’m curious – readers – what do you think makes an extraordinary human? Do you like this idea? Want to be one? Want to partner with one?

I would love your thoughts.


For my 100th post: 25 things I’ll do differently next time I fall in love

  1. I will not ignore male expressions of gender bias
  2. I will not date anyone who is incapable of articulating why they value me
  3. I will not date anyone whose sole interest is in my body or any other superficial thing
  4. I will not date anyone who has anger issues
  5. I will look for Mr. Friend not Mr. Fantasy
  6. I will not allow mistreatment
  7. I will not allow myself to mistreat
  8. I will not aspire to be a conjoined love mushball but a strong, loving person with a strong, loving companion
  9. I will not join a shared journey that costs me my own journey. There is room for both.
  10. I will express my concerns, needs, and wants as they arise
  11. I will respect my partner’s boundaries — and ask when I don’t know what they are.
  12. I will pay attention to how I feel in the relationship. When/if I feel bad, I will investigate this with myself first, and with my partner if need be.
  13. I will own up to my weaknesses but not act them out
  14. I will trust my gut
  15. I will not give a shit what the world thinks if it makes me happy.
  16. I will not rush into any situation to lessen my fear of the unknown
  17. I will find ways to share my passions and hobbies with my partner
  18. I will never stop my journey of self-improvement
  19. I will not fight.
  20. I will not love someone who “only I” can truly understand 
  21. I will not fall in love with an idea; of a project, a rescue mission, a superhero 
  22. I will not tolerate a love that feels like a near death experience 
  23. I will give my best every day 
  24. I will laugh everyday. And bring laughter and lightness to the partnership. 
  25. I will not fear.