****PLEASE SHARE IF YOU THINK SOMEONE WILL BENEFIT FROM THIS*****
I am writing this from the land of shock, and relief, and more shock.
I am writing this with the understanding that there are so many kinds of domestic violence and abuse, and I am one of millions….. and so many have it worse. Mine has been fairly verbal in nature.
It’s what we do, isn’t it? We make our situation less bad. We normalize it, just like they do. Tonight my husband went downstairs and ate popcorn after holding his hand over my face and calling me a fucking failure.
Who have I been? Where have I gone? How did I come back all of the sudden???
To You – the woman reading this who still believes that if you change a little more or give a little more, things will be ok – I want you to know that it’s not your fault. You are fine. You are more than fine. You still have strength in you or he wouldn’t be interested. They only like the strong souls, and you know it.
To You – the woman who has told people little bits but nobody quite gets it, and although people care, they can’t save you – and deep inside you know that you need to be saved – rescued – helped in some way because you have been so brainwashed and torn apart that you can’t do it alone anymore. And what’s worse – you love him. Listen, it’s love but it’s also brainwashing and addiction, and you know that too, and it’s ok that you are obsessed with him and that you love him, it’s normal. And it’s normal that you want someone to care when you hurt and pick you up off the ground when you’ve been put down so low you feel utterly bewildered by life.
You still believe in him. Do you believe in you? You must believe in you.
To You – the woman who thought he was a handful but a handful that you knew how to love and care for. No one is your perfect match who makes you feel like dying. Yet you forgive, you go back, you keep hoping.
To You – the woman who is so ashamed of how weak and isolated you’ve become. Don’t be ashamed. Stop loving him. Don’t change a thing about your life, just stop believing, in your heart of hearts, that this is love.
To You – the woman who wants to make a change but feels barely strong enough to fight back anymore, let alone overhaul your whole life.
You can take small steps. The universe has a funny way of tuning into these changes. If you change on the inside, everything changes.
Tonight, he made his own bed…an unprovoked and unreacted-to attack, and I called the police.
I’m writing to you from the other side….. he’s gone, and I feel like my prayers have been answered.
He’s gone. And they believed me. And they could see I wasn’t the crazy, stupid one.
I’m here with my daughter. And we are fine.
I’m writing to you from the days and weeks of prayers and tears that were answered tonight.
I am not hurt. But enough happened that he could be arrested for assault, and the police woman who came in to talk to me got it — she knew. It was like she could smell the pattern of aggression and control.
The house is too clean she said.
YES – and he calls me a lazy slob.
What’s that movie? she says… the one with Julia Roberts.
Sleeping with the enemy…. about the obsessively clean abusive controlling husband she eventually escapes from.
From today, he will not be allowed near me. I am terrified. But I am safe from him. Holy Fuck.
You know I’ve been reading a lot about domestic violence and verbal abuse and things like that and the more I was able to believe that it wasn’t my fault…. the more I could see how FUCKED it is!!!!!
Tonight I saw them take him away in cuffs.
Am I free of it?
My mother can’t believe I’m still kind to him, still love him. But that’s what they prey off of…… people with loving hearts. Well guess what? I ain’t no one’s dinner anymore, you hear? I ain’t no one’s dinner anymore.