Ladies, you know the type. Charming. Handsome. Intoxicating. Downright magical at times.
His favourite thing about you is less your values and more your assets.
I even called him ‘my perfect prince’ in our wedding vows.
Ohh…. yes. It’s so obvious. Any sensible woman could tell you why marrying Don Draper would be a bad idea. And yet, if you want it, you’re going to do it anyway. Like I did.
I knew it was a bad move, I knew there would be consequences. But I wanted to have fun. And I was flattered that a man like that, liked me…… (damn you, self esteem!)
Unfortunately, I married a Don Draper who’s zest for creative language included calling me every derogatory, demeaning name in the book (from Lazy to Psychopath… and everything in between).
We had a whirlwind tornado of a relationship. It got toxic. It ended. That’s now the past.
I’ve now been separated for about 5 months. And it’s true, as my friend Looking for Chris said, that after the 90 day mark, things move quickly from Phase 1 to Phase 2. I’m happy to report that my phase 1 thoughts of reconciliation (and the miserable feeling these thoughts came with) are now finished. I have no interest in being with him ever again. And I am so very excited about what the future holds!
I’ve come to see that having my whole world hinge on 1 asshole is so much less rewarding than trusting my soul to the great universe and all it has in store for those who are willing to be open to it.
And open to it I am.
So inevitably, my thoughts are beginning to turn to dating – in the future – but to tell you the truth, I would still like more kids…. so I can’t *really* wait that long, although I’m aiming for 1 year. And when it does happen, I don’t want to throw myself into it head first. I want to be cautious, and pay a good deal of attention to the real person I see before me. I don’t want to ignore red flags (again). Or love so much I blind myself (again). And get into situations that aren’t healthy (again). I think you’re getting the picture!
So here’s what I want to know from my next potential human! I’m going to answer them myself as well (I will post) and you are welcome to do the same. I would love to hear your answers to any or all!
These are questions that I think with help me separate true good-human qualities from… shiny distractions and false advertising. In the end, it is what’s inside that counts for everything.
- What do you value most highly in an intimate partner (current or past), and why?
- What brings you joy?
- If you could never do one household chore again which one would it be?
- What makes you laugh? (List as many as you like)
- Who are your mentors or heroes, and what qualities do they have that you admire?
- Under what circumstances do strong negative emotions overtake you (or try to) and how do you handle that?
- What do you hide or feel ashamed of vs show and feel proud of?
- What do you ‘work on’ about yourself, or what are your weaknesses?
- What makes you a great partner?
- What brings meaning to your life, generally and specifically (daily or weekly practices or hobbies, for example)?